girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
