he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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