TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
