I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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