i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The uberlube is also flammable
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
