he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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