That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
