My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Alive.
So much puke
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
