you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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