Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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