we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
