I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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