Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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