And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
