Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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