your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
