Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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