no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
