Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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