Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
whose parrot is this?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
