My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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