so explain again why im purple
no
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
