I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
