North Korea, Best Korea!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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