somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
