im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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