Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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