i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
