maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
