i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
