just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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