i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
