Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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