No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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