just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
