Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
