Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
