So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
