She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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