literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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