I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
