i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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