if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
