So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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