You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I stole a fireplace last night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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