i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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