Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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