I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm at about main and main street
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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