is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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