I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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