That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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